The Reason Why
by Nega-darkwing
Summary: An intospective piece in the form of a letter written by Terra as she tries to explain the reason why she wound out the way she did...


Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. The massive media conglomerate that is Time Warner does. Authors notes including when in the Timeline this takes place are at the end.

**The Reason Why.**

I wonder who is reading this. If it's you Brion, then you've finally started to catch up to me. I'm sorry for making you worry, and I'm sorry if I've disappointed you. If the Titans are reading this then I don't even want to think about what that might mean. I just hope that you can believe me when I say I'm sorry. If Slade is reading this, then he really is just using me, and he's also looking through my private journal. But I have to accept his offer. I have to be able to gain control. I can't go on like this any more.

Brion if it's you reading this then you already know this part. If it's the Titans, then I guess your about to find out some things that I'd really never want you to know. It all started Because I wanted my father to acknowledge me. My real name is Tara Markov, and I'm the illegitimate daughter of the former king of Markova. BB you can ask Robin about Markova. The royal bloodline in Markova has a special power with the earth. My father didn't have it, but my brother does. I wanted it so badly. I always felt that if I had it, then my father would finally accept me. Brion, did you ever understand? The real reason why my mother and I were kept at the castle? It was so word that I was the result of an indiscretion wouldn't get out. You were clever enough to figure out that I was your sister though, and you always treated me like one. That always made me feel so happy. Then mother died. And I developed my powers. I thought that if I had them, father would finally acknowledge me. But he wouldn't. I just kept thinking if I just showed him a little more. I didn't mean to cause the earthquake. I didn't mean to devastated Markova. I didn't mean to weaken the countries defense enough for an invasion. I didn't mean for father to be killed. I ran. I ran immediately after the earthquake, and each time I heard what I had caused I ran a little more. Finally I ran all the way to another continent. I figured that maybe I would be able to try and redeem myself, to help people. I had good intentions, so everything would work out, Right?

Wrong.

It always made things worse. No matter how hard I tried, it always made things worse. For every person I saved I put two more in danger. For every burning building I saved people from, I caused another to collapse. Because no matter how hard I tried I always lost control. I wanted control so badly I'd make a deal with the devil if that would give me it. And that's exactly what I ended up doing.

If it's the Titans reading this, then there's something you should know. I really was happy for a while with you. I really thought there was a place I could belong. But Slade is right, they will never fully trust me. That hurts more than anything else I have ever felt in my life. And yet, I can think of no other place I would rather be, and no time where I felt I belonged more.

This next part is for Beast Boy, and just Beast Boy, so anyone else reading please skip this. BB, I think I'm falling in love with you. I think about you constantly, and when I see you it makes me feel warm. Sappy huh? True though. BB if I hurt you, then I'm sorry. I really am.

Okay everyone else back? This next part is the reason why I hope this letter is never read. Slade has said that I can go and join the Titans if I want. All I have to do is a little favor for him. I know that I'm betraying them if I do this. I know it is wrong. But I owe Slade. He finally gave me control. I know I'm being foolish thinking that maybe just this once, just for once in my life, things will actually work out for the best. I know that once you sell your soul, you probably won't get it back.

I am Terra. And this is not a confession, or begging for forgiveness. This is just me saying the reason why I am the way I am.

Slade considered the letter before him. Of course Terra had been right not to trust that he would respect her privacy, but then was he not the master, and she the pupil. She would lean. The letter told him nothing new, nothing that his own investigations and observations had not already discovered, and for a moment he considered destroying it. But only for a moment. The letter may not have provided him with new information but it had provided him with possibilities. After all properly edited or perhaps properly delivered it could confuse and weaken the Titans, among other things… Yes Slade would have to consider the possibilities.

Authors notes: Well this was my first TT fan fiction. I hope it didn't suck too much. I had no proofreader, so if you want to proofread any future Teen Titans fics I do then let me know. As for when in the Timeline this takes place, I'd say somewhere around Titan Rising for Terra writing the letter. As for Slade's reading it…. Well that depends on weither or not you believe he is gone…

Until Next time I remain Nega-Darkwing, and believe in the sign of Zeta!


End file.
